San Pedro retreat September 2020, Portugal ~ Taita Travel 

There is a deeper reality behind the things that we can see. When we follow the thread all the way back to the mystical origin of things we come to meet our sacred mother Earth and divine father Sky. These purest qualities came into form, within the womb of the mother, infused with a spark of light from the father. Hard to grasp but with the help of some plant medicine you can travel there and meet the origin. And anything that is holding you back from that.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of ancestral pain that got stored in our physical being. That pain is holding us back from receiving the divine wisdom and blessings of what we truly are. While looking at the world of today we can see this pain. We have been building our lives, relationships and dreams upon that painful contraction, trying to be someone that we are not but think others expect from us.

We can heal the world, our relationship with mother Earth and reconnect with the love in our own hearts, by facing that pain. Instead of pushing it away, to penetrate and feel it and strip it down to the bone. I went down there and came there through the question: what is holding me back from standing in my power and staying there? When the journey started the answer was offered straight away. I could see expectations, criticism, harsh words and I recognized them; of myself and of my mother that gave birth from a place of pain. And I went down the rabbit hole. The pain was on my sitting bone and comparable with nervous pain, like the roots of my teeth and even deeper. I felt and felt and it became hardly bearable and it brought me to a place of despair, hoping I would come out on the other side and find back the light. It took me hours in soul tears until I could do nothing more than surrender, give up and be one with it. And there came relief.

When I turned around I could start the healing process. Releasing the tension, stored in my womb, my belly, my throat, my teeth and more places. Then I could start with releasing the pain of my mother, my grandmother and almost reached out to her mother but then it dissolved. I found more and more space within me and started to breath normally again. My belly and womb getting soft again and a safe place to be. Turning the soil of my inner being into fertile ground where new and fresh flowers would be able to grow. And sustain, because of the revived connection with the divine source.

This brought me to realize the reason of the divorce between the masculine and feminine in our physical world; built on pain, judgement and false expectations. To be really together as two individual beings we need to heal ourselves on the deepest level and support others in that healing process. So the reunion of the sacred femininity and divine masculinity within ourselves can be the fertile ground for unconditional love. In the end, I could feel this reunion within myself. It brought me to a deep and humble gratefulness of being a child of mother Earth and father Sky. I see myself laying in fetus pose on the sandy banks of river Mondego, allowing my body to rest and my soul being nurtured. I would undress myself and take a sacred dip in the river, allowing the water to cleanse and take away the grief that I had been holding so long within me. The water took it and I felt refreshed, renewed and recharged with the divine quality of nature. After the dip in the water I stood with my bare feet in the grass and closed my eyes. I felt physically and very strong, that my two legs, hips, belly and womb were being pulled down to Mother Earth, as if she was saying: THIS is your place.  I prayed that this experience would be written down my bones and never, ever forget these deep teachings of San Pedro and be able to give words to it and share my insights with the world. To bring more people to the medicine and dive deep into ourselves. I realized the womb in fact is the place where we store all this pain. And to remove and heal that pain will give us access to our sacred femininity. What the world needs is that. Deep healing and reconnection with mother Nature. So her love and care can flow into our lives, enabling us to express that love.

Many of our expectations are built upon superficial matters. Appearance, behavior and our own needs to be fulfilled by others around us. The answer is, which expectations do we have to meet, other than those of our sacred mother and divine father? All the rest does not matter.  

How can we give gratitude to the mother?

Think of your own mother. How she has created your body within her body. Giving you food and shelter. What would she like to receive back for that, else than just our humble gratitude? By seeing her. By giving thanks to the food she offered. A beautiful bhakti practice is to offer food with gratitude. Not only to the mother but also to the father that facilitated the ingredients. How can we offer food that is produced by violent circumstances? Try to cultivate your own food, grow it with love, prepare it with love (with your own hands) and offer a small quantity with a little prayer of gratitude. Stop depleting her; taking her gifts without respect and running away with the credits. Taking care of her resources and recycling the products we made, to give her back fuel to reproduce. Stop giving her trash so she needs to be cleaning our footsteps where ever we go. Give her a break and allow her to rejuvenate. 

Helping her by growing the best person out of ourselves, as a product of the divine cosmic marriage between mother and father. Seeing the divine origin of our mother and understand her behavior through compassion. Seeing, feeling and honoring her pain. Seeing the unconditional effort she tried to put into it, despite her own shortcomings. These are just the result of our cultural heritage, of being misaligned with the divine source. Help healing our sisters, all women on this planet that have been suppressed and persecuted. Through healing the feminine within ourselves that will automatically flow into the world, effortless and with grace. Reconnect with the first chakra, allowing divine energy to come down and manifest on this Earth. No escape to false religious systems or hope that God will help you out. ‘God only helps who helps himself.’ Let’s no longer run away from our fears and anxieties but face them with grace. Let’s go for radical selfcare, loving our bodies for what they are; imperfect and limited but very intelligent and a reservoir of dormant divine love. Let’s awaken that love. Give love, be love, show your heart. 

How can we say thanks to the father?

By bowing down to the mystery behind matter, tapping into the believe that there is more than meets the eye. Find your own prayer, not copying anyone else’s. My prayer will be thank you mother Earth, thank you father Sky for my existence in this manifest body. Thank you for the food, shelter, comfort and security that I receive. Thank you for sustaining and teaching me. Let our life be a prayer, with every breath we take. 

How come we can not see this anymore?

We got caught up in material existence. Matter is creating forgetfulness. The more stuff we carry around, the more our space is occupied with things that don’t matter on a spiritual level. We don’t have to fly to Bali to pamper ourselves in a luxury yoga resort to find our liberation. We can close our eyes and dive deep within, here and now, in every place at every moment. Breath deep. 

Now reading this, you might feel not very attracted to meet San Pedro. But I can assure you, this has been the greatest gift I ever received. Other journeys were leading me straight into the core of my heart, flowing over with love and drifting in an ocean of bliss. You might walk a spiritual path and have a variety of spiritual practices. You might have a deep understanding of yoga philosophy or any other esoteric knowledge. You might have an idea about liberation, or the energy body, the mind or the chakra’s. What I felt was that any path will lead to that same ocean of oneness. But to walk the path, we apparently have to clear the way before we can reach the top. In my opinion, San Pedro is an incredible medicine and a great teacher, who can take you there step by step.

Enjoy the journey!

Noëlle

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